Tony Morrison said, ?I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.? When I remember my mother, I remember things she said to us when we were growing up: ? "Life's not fair" and ? "God helps those who help themselves" and ? "This too shall pass" These sentiments speak to me even today. It's not fair that my mother had to struggle so long and die so young. God will help us through this time, if we seek help. The heaviest part of this grief WILL pass. When I remember my mother and the things she DID, I'm reminded of a time when she found a paraplegic man in a wheelchair along the side of the road. She offered him a ride. After getting him into her car and starting to drive, he began cursing her, as in "no good deed goes unpunished." But she got him where he needed to go. When the police were looking for homes to take in at-risk teens, my mother signed us up. When a motherless friend of mine delivered twins two months prematurely, I called my Mom. Could she go to the hospital and see my friend and her tiny babies? Of course. This was my mother: "Actions speak louder than words." But if I ever forget her words or her actions, what I will remember about my mother is the way she made me feel. When I was little and after I grew up, my mother made me feel as though no one's happiness was more important than mine. It was a kind of magic trick, of course, because she made everyone feel that way, including my sisters, and all of the grandchildren -- well, maybe not the son's in law quite so much because they came after their wives -- but still. If you encountered something challenging, troubling, stressful or sad, she would not tell you you were entitled to better, she would not remind you how you got yourself into the situation or explain what you could do next. Instead, she would listen wholeheartedly and empathize, and you would feel better. She was a safe harbor in a storm that way. And when something good happened, she was so happy for you that it increased your own happiness. I've heard rumors of mothers with agendas, mothers who expect payback for their sacrifices, mothers with unattainable expectations, mothers who resent their children's happiness. For us, it was so simple: your happiness made her genuinely happy which made you even happier. Hers was a free gift, with no strings attached. You couldn't wait to tell her. You wanted to hold onto that feeling forever. And now the world feels a little colder, a little darker, worse because she is no longer here to make it a better place. I believe this Tony Morrison quote offers a possibility for us in our grief. Of course, Mom didn't have to say, "Look at how you make people feel." She lived it. To each of us she gave the spark of her gifts: the ability to? - reduce pain, - amplify happiness, and - make others feel valued. For our own sakes, let us kindle this spark within each of us and make the world warmer again. And if it helps you, in doing so, please remember my mother, and the way she made us all feel.

We are here today to celebrate the life of Nita Girand ? an extraordinary wife, mother and woman who touched all our lives beyond description. Nita and I met and fell in love and had an enduring marriage of nearly 55 years. We had a traditional marriage and values where Nita supported my efforts at career advancement and embraced the role of being a nurturing mother. Nita always put others first, asking nothing for herself, supporting me in difficult times of unwanted job transitions. When I moved into more risky and uncertain positions at small companies Nita provided an island of stability at our home. She always masked anxieties, relieving burdens and insured the children understood everything is ?okay?. When I shared my concerns Nita always gave me confidence the vexing problem would be overcome, if not at the present job ? at the next one. How could I be so fortunate to have Nita beside me, never flagging, never hesitating, no matter how difficult the situation? When the children came home from school, mom was there, with refreshments, encouragement, a needed band aid or sympathy for some transgression. Those were the formative years when enduring family values were taught; honesty, integrity, transparency and the belief each could be someone special in their lives. Lessons well learned; Laurie, Nita Anne and Lisa earned six degrees, had successful early careers before starting families and blending work with raising their children. Nita took great pride in our daughter?s families and, our sons in law treasured her love, support and presence. When our seven grandchildren were born, Nita was quickly there, not only to hold the baby but do any job necessary. We were blessed all our daughter?s families settled in California, where we could see them often and participate in the growth and development of their children. No parents/in-laws have been more loved! When Nita and I would go to dinner, the conversation usually turned to the newsy items about the grandchildren. In 1980, when incorrectly diagnosed with brain cancer Nita said her only goal was to live to see her grandchildren ? and she did! With ages ranging from 10-21, the same values taught to our children have been passed on to the next generation. They will tell stories about ?Grandma? and all the wonderful things she did plus the responsibilities each has to be kind, considerate to others, treasure family values and ?be there? when needed. Nita?s job is done in this world. She has passed to God and his bountiful mercy, always remembered as an extraordinary wife, mother and woman who touched us deeply. God bless Nita Girand.

A photo of Mom

Nita Jones Girand as a teen